In nearly every workplace, classroom, or personal relationship, conflict is inevitable. It can emerge from a simple miscommunication or a deeply rooted difference in values. While conflict is not inherently harmful, how we respond to it determines whether it becomes a source of division or an opportunity for transformation. Over the years, there has been an increasing emphasis on the importance of effective conflict resolution, which isn’t about “winning” a disagreement, but rather about navigating the process with intention and respect.
Yet many of us enter conflict either avoiding it altogether or diving in unprepared and defensively. The result is that conversations escalate, relationships fray, and decisions are made reactively rather than restoratively. The following six steps provide a structured and thoughtful approach to resolving conflict in any context, whether professional or personal, by shifting the focus from reaction to resolution.
Step 1: Prepare Before You Speak
Too often, people launch into conflict without doing the necessary inner work. Emotional reactivity takes over, and conversations become battlegrounds. But preparation is key. Before addressing the issue, take the time to understand precisely what you’re feeling and why. What emotions are you feeling and what is causing them are all important questions to answer.
This step also involves asking what the outcome you are looking for is. By defining your goals in advance, whether it’s clarity, closure, compromise, or accountability, you can anchor the conversation. Skipping this step risks turning the discussion into a venting session rather than a constructive exchange.
Step 2: Choose the Right Time and Place
Conflict isn’t just about what’s said; it’s also about where and when it’s said. Raising a difficult issue during a team meeting, in a crowded hallway, or any other intense environment when emotions are and can get high, could potentially immediately derail productive dialogue.
Instead, select a neutral, private setting where all parties can feel safe and undistracted. If this is a workplace conflict, scheduling a formal time to talk reinforces that you are approaching the issue with professionalism and seriousness. A private setting frames the conflict not as a personal attack but as a shared problem that warrants resolution.
Step 3: Speak with Clarity and Respect
When it’s time to speak, how you express yourself matters just as much as what you say. Many conflicts deteriorate not because of the overall disagreement, but because of how each party uses tone, makes accusations, or presents poor framing. Using “I” statements rather than “you” statements softens defensiveness and avoids the conversation focusing on blame.
It’s also important to stay grounded in specific behaviors or events, rather than assumptions about someone’s intentions. This signals that you’re seeking resolution, not retribution. The goal is not to “win,” but to be heard and to contribute to mutual understanding.
Step 4: Listen to Understand, Not to Respond
This step is often the most neglected, yet the most powerful. Authentic listening is not about formulating a counterpoint while the other person speaks. There’s no way to resolve the conflict if each person involved is only interested in expressing their own opinion. It’s about being present, absorbing their words, and validating their experience, even if you disagree with it.
Validating phrases like “I hear that this made you feel” or “That wasn’t my intention, but I can see how it came across that way” show that you’re not just waiting for your turn to talk. They show humility, empathy, and a willingness to collaborate. Conflict often persists not because of disagreement, but because people feel dismissed or unheard. Active listening is the best way to avoid this persistence from percolating.
Step 5: Collaborate Toward a Shared Solution
After perspectives are exchanged and understood, the next step is to reach a resolution that is equitable and accountable, which means moving beyond the problem and into a mindset of shared problem-solving. At this stage, there is no need to rehash the past; instead, try to co-create a better future following the conflict.
Whether it’s redefining roles, adjusting expectations, or agreeing on communication methods, the solution should involve mutual input and collaboration. One party imposing a top-down fix often leads to resentment from those the solution is being imposed upon. However, when people are involved in crafting the way forward, there’s deeper buy-in and longer-term change. This is not to say that people should not be held accountable for causing conflict, but rather to try to change the mechanism for doing so from a punitive to a transformative one. It is essential to remember that we are all striving for the same goal, and resolving a conflict in an imposing manner can undermine that larger objective.
Step 6: Follow Up and Reflect
Many assume that once an issue is discussed and a shared solution is reached, it’s resolved. However, a meaningful resolution doesn’t end with a single conversation; it continues through follow-up and reflection with everyone involved. Checking in weeks later not only demonstrates accountability and care but also creates opportunities to ensure all parties are satisfied. It allows for course correction if the initial solution isn’t working, and any additional discussions that may have arisen in the interim period.
It is essential to recognize that conflict, when managed effectively, can strengthen relationships rather than strain them. Following up communicates that you value the relationship beyond the disagreement. Conflict is a true test for any sort of relationship. Solving and tackling conflict through these steps reinforces a culture, whether at home or at work, where issues aren’t swept under the rug, but are faced and worked through.
Why This Process Matters Now More Than Ever
In 2025, many professional environments are navigating rapid change, generational differences, and extreme polarization. Conflict is an expected byproduct of this navigation and collaboration. But too often, we’re taught to avoid discomfort, rather than learn to work through it.
That’s why structured conflict resolution, like the six steps outlined here, matters more than ever. It reminds us that conflict isn’t inherently destructive. When managed effectively, it can catalyze clarity, growth, and renewed trust. It shifts conflict from something to be feared to something that can be faced, together.
By Toby Keeler (he/him)
If you haven’t yet had the opportunity, make sure to order a copy of Elmer Dixon’s powerful memoir DIE STANDING: From Black Panther Revolutionary to Global Diversity Consultant and check out what others have been saying about Elmer and his story.
Check out these other opportunities to see what folks are saying about Elmer and his continued work.
- See Elmer speak at Stories from the Revolutions’ Front Lines at his keynote at TEDxUTulsa
- Listen to Elmer talk on NPR’s The Jefferson Exchange
- Read about Elmer’s story in a piece featured in The Seattle Times
- Listen to Elmer on The Medium